


it's like we're in a fairy tale (but slightly to the left)

by InsertACreativeNameHere__SlavicViking



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Astrid is a badass, Baby Fic, Bad Jokes, Castles, Comedy, Crack Fic, F/M, Prince Charming - Freeform, Romance, Tumblr Prompt, alternative universe - fairy tale au, fairy tale AU, kind of I guess?, towers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 16:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18575020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsertACreativeNameHere__SlavicViking/pseuds/InsertACreativeNameHere__SlavicViking
Summary: "I am here, thy princess, to, uh," a young man slides down the sleeve of his shirt and squints at the smudged letters written over his arm. "Fear no more as I-""Laddie, you missed a turn, " a pulp woman of about forty buts in, hands on her hips, as she opens the door. "Seventh mountain?""Um. Yes?""That's the sixth."AKAA fairy tale with a hiccup (pun intended)





	it's like we're in a fairy tale (but slightly to the left)

 

   
---  
  
"I am here, thy princess, to, uh," a young man slides down the sleeve of his shirt and squints at the smudged letters written over his arm. "Fear no more as I-"

"Laddie, you missed a turn, " a pulp woman of about forty buts in, hands on her hips, as she opens the door. "Seventh mountain?"

"Um. Yes?"

"That's the sixth," she informs him with a small smile tugging at her lips. "You need to go pass the magic forest first, son."

"Oh. Oh gods. I am so sorry-"

The woman waves her hand, snorting a laugh. "You're the third one this week, lord...? Prince...?"

"Uh, Haddock. Hiccup. The Third," He pauses. "Prince."

"Well, Haddock Hiccup The Third Prince, let me invite you in," she chuckles when his eyes widen, mouth slightly agape. "I have cookies."

***

I am here thy princess as I - no.

I am here to save - ugh. No. All of the  _ no _ .

Fear no more because - most definitely  _ not _ . 

Hiccup sighs and crosses another phrase out. Mentally. In his head. Because he’s many feet above the ground, hands on the saddle, with the wind slapping his face with the his hair, and that is  _ so  _ not the environment for actually writing out phrases that will get him probably knived by the princess’s father, if not by the princess herself. Hiccup definitely, though, thinks that the “Ten Ways to Charm Your Cursed Beloved” book he got from Snotlout needs a quick swim in the sea below him.  

Instead he slumps his shoulder and concludes, “This is so dumb.”

Toothless, the Night Fury (and also his best friend - Hiccup doesn’t do things halfways), rumbles below in concern - for Hiccup’s sanity, probably. 

“Don’t worry, bud,” he reaches forward to pat the dragon’s scaly head. “We’ll get there.”

Which, okay, sounds promising enough, but the last few weeks (years, really) has taught him that there’s the normal way to go around doing stuff, and there’s Hiccup’s way. So when the king, and also his father (not the best combination, but there had been worse - like Snotlout and spiced mutton last Snoggletog and the incident  _ which they do not talk about _ ) told him Hiccup’s time to embark on a journey to save a princess had come, he was, uh, sceptical. 

All he had to do was travel through the seven valleys, seven rivers and seven mountain, defeat the dragon, save the princess. It was a nice, simple plan - he even had a bullet point list and all. His distant cousin, Prince Charming did it, so why couldn’t he?

Well…

So he got lost, maybe.

He got lost three time,  _ maybe _ . But who’d keep a record of things like that? Except Snotlout, that is, but Snotlout is approximately seven mountain, seven hills and six rivers away. Unless he’s lurking. Hiccup looks around just in case - Snotlout likes to lurk.

Somewhere between the second and the third hill, though, Hiccup stumbled upon a town. Quite literally, too, because he managed to trip and fall over an old pig that laid itself in the middle of the road. Apparently the town, the name of which he had long forgotten, had a trouble with a pesky dragon and Hiccup, the smart person that he is, decided he could change up the order of his mission a little bit and slay the dragon first. 

He befriended him, instead. Yes,  _ him _ , not it. 

Not that Hiccup would want it any other way. Toothless proved to be an amazing companion, a true friend through many trials along the way from there on, and Hiccup’s been… happy, just happy, and that’s something new and quite exciting, really. 

So he didn’t find the princess’s home effortlessly, he didn’t slay any dragons. The castle (the right one this time), doesn’t look anything like the brochure either, but he shouldn’t be surprised. It’s a bit old and rusty but it has character, Hiccup can tell. No angry dragon has appeared so far and Hiccup’s glad. However much he thinks dragon training is a good gig, it’s also time-consuming and he’s already weeks behind on his imaginary schedule. 

A single tower stands a little off to the side, looking innocent enough, and Hiccup nudges Toothless to bring him closer. He hangs off the saddle and jumps in, cursing at his knees; he could never stick the landing the right way. He dusts off his trousers and straightens up, only to pause. 

So.

There’s a baby.

The spacious bed in the middle of the room looks comfortable enough, clean and with colorful cushions thrown casually over the blankets. And on one of the pillows, there sits a baby. To be fair, Hiccup doesn’t know a thing about children - the kid can be six or ten for all he knows. She (he thinks it’s a she?) raises her arms and a smile splits across her pudgy cheeks.

“Guhh.”

Um.

Because what.

Hiccup rubs his jaw. “Uh.”

The baby looks happy to continue their monosyllabic conversation but then there’s an arrow swishing through the air, right above Hiccup’s head, and Hiccup is pretty sure that’s not the baby’s doing. He yelps and brings his hands close to his chest. He’s ducking as another arrow flies in his general direction, and he finds himself awkwardly flailing his arms in the air to shield the baby perched on one of the soft-looking pillows - the baby that is very, very amused by the whole situation. At least they both don’t have much of a self-preservation instinct. 

“Touch her and I will gauge your eyes out,” Hiccup stops at the words and briefly looks at the baby as though the baby - she, as he found out - could have said that. He then turns around a little, towards where the arrows came from. It’s not his best idea. Probably. 

He can’t decide whether the girl at the doors is more stunning or furious, probably the latter though. She has a crossbow shamelessly aimed his way. There’s a smirk dancing on her lips somewhere there but it’s overshadowed by the furrowed brow and a daring look in her eyes. 

“That is,” Hiccup starts, straightening himself, and the crossbow follows his every move. “That is a misunderstanding, ma’am, and I-”

“You broke into our home,” the girl says easily, finger on the trigger. “Tried to abduct my niece.”

Hiccup doesn’t need a lawyer to know this looks bad. 

So he quickly shoves out his hands and takes a step back, closer to the window. “No! No, no, definitely not, uh, doing that,” he silently sighs in relief when he notices Toothless waiting for him outside the window. Just a few more steps, and he’s out of here, never coming back, if he’s lucky. “As I said, this is just, heh, a misund-yeuh-!”

There’s a dragon at the window, and it’s most definitely not Toothless. The Deadly Nadder pushes herself inside just as Hiccup stumbles backwards, hands searching for something to protect himself with and coming short. 

“Stormfly,” the girls says from behind him. “Stand still, girl.”

That’s enough for Hiccup to whip his head around. He stares at the blonde with the crossbow, and points to the dragon in the room. “She’s yours?”

The girl quirks an unimpressed eyebrow. “She may not be a Night Fury, but she’ll take your head off in two seconds. If you’d like to test that out-” 

The Nadder squawks in agreement from the other side of the room. 

He has no idea what’s going on. This is so far off the script, he really doesn’t know what he should do at this point. Except for maybe find a rock he can live under for the rest of his miserable life. 

This. This, right here, is his life in a nutshell. 

“So,” the girl starts, the crossbow twitching in her hand. “Who the hell are you?”

That’s a chance if he’s ever seen one, he decides. He can do this, he practiced this.

“I’m Prince Hiccup from Berk,” Hiccup tries to puff out his chest but that just makes him feel so much more awkward and out of place, so he rubus his shoulder instead. “and I, uh, traveled seven mountains, seven hills and seven rivers to-”

“It’s the eighth river then, dumbass,” the blonde cuts him off with a roll of her eyes. She lowers the crossbow, and prompts it on her shoulder like it’s  _ not  _ one of the deadliest weapons known to men, including the dragon standing across her. 

“I-huh?” 

When all he gets in response is a tilt of her head, he swallows. “Lady Oswaldson?” His stomach sinks when she just shakes her head, fighting off an amused grin. He sighs and mumbles under his breath. “You’ve gotta be kidding me…”

“Don’t tell me you got lost,” She’s biting her lower lip now but he can see the corners of her mouth quirked upwards. 

“Nu- _ no _ !” Hiccup protest immediately, trying to hold onto what is left of his dignity. Apparently not much because the girl doesn’t look like she believes him at all. “Maybe.” He hangs his head. “Yes.”

She snorts. Loudly.

“Bah!” the baby butts in and Hiccup almost has a heart attack. 

“Sorry, sweety,” the girl rushes in towards her niece. She unceremoniously slams the crossbow on the bed and kneels down to the baby’s level, leaving Hiccup to his internal life crisis. She coos. “Everything alright?”

“A-t’d,” the baby replies and apparently that’s the right thing to say because the blonde beams up at her and ruffles the baby’s light brown curls. Satisfied, she straightens up and turns back to Hiccup. 

“So,” she cocks her hip and places a confident hand on her side. “Do you need directions, or…?”

Hiccup doesn’t reply, eyes on the ground. It’s not that he’s not excited at the prospect of traveling another day or two, and finding a princess that probably doesn’t even want him, and one that  _ he  _ most definitely doesn’t want, and - yeah, maybe that’s  _ exactly  _ it. Huh. Who would’ve thought. 

“You’re not really good at this, are you?” he can hear a soft squeak of the bed as the mattress dips where the girl sits down. “You kind of suck, actually.”

He huffs, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting, and pretends he’s not behaving like a child. Or Snotlout on a good day. 

“I have to.”

“No, you don’t,” she replies hotly and she’s rolling her eyes pointedly when Hiccup looks up at her. “What kind of bullshittery thinking is that?” 

“My father-”

“Will understand?” she supplies with a raised eyebrow. “That maybe this is not what would make you happy? Not that I believe something like this could make anyone happy…”

He doesn’t like how much he likes what she’s saying and that’s, well, confusing for one. But also comforting, in a way he didn’t expect. She makes it seem so easy and effortless and he, well, he wants that - after so many weeks, he just want to not care, for once. 

“Why don’t you take a break,” she suggests, nudging his arm with her elbow. Or maybe it’s the crossbow that is back in her hands. He’d like to believe it’s her elbow. “Just for today, and then you can decide whether you want to live in a cage or-”

“I don’t,” he replies quickly, and then immediately flushes because, wow, talk about desperate.

“Good. Then,” she stands up, crossbow indeed in her hands, and a glint of  _ something  _ in her blue eyes. “what about a walk? Get all that stuff in order in that too big head of yours”

First of all - “Hey-!”

But then he grins because he’s pretty sure he just met the most amazing person in the kingdom, or maybe even the world, and he doesn’t know what else to do. So he grins a little wider.

“And I’d recommend that to be less niece-abduct-ary,” she adds, pulling up the crossbow. “Because, you know.” 

“I-uhm, gah-!” is what escapes his mouth, more or less, and the girl laughs. 

She shoves out her free hand, easily balancing the crossbow in her other one. He stares, amazed, because all he could ever do with a crossbow is fall over, and not even in an entertaining way. “Astrid.”

He stares at the hand, then at her. 

Oh.

Right. 

“Hiccup. The Third,” he stammers out, shaking her hand. “Prince. Haddock. I mean-”

“Just  _ go _ ,” and, just like that, she’s pushing him towards the staircase behind the doors. “Take the left turn at the first floor. You think you can do that for me?”

It takes him a second to realize what she’s implying. “Har-har, very funny.”

He’s halfway out the door when he pokes his head out again. “But Toothless-”

“Will stay with me and Stormfly,” Astrid tells him like it’s obvious and they didn’t  _ just meet _ . Weirdly enough, he trusts her. Sure, a person, or two, or the entirety of Berk, might call Hiccup gullible at times, but this time he really does trust the girl in the tower. 

He really hopes Toothless is not a pair of dragon boots by the time he’s back. 

 

He isn’t, thank the gods.

He made quick friends with Stormfly, though, the traitor.

Hiccup huffs, pretend-annoyed, and slides a tentative hand down the Nadder’s baby blue snout. “You know, she really is beautiful.”

Astrid beams.

 

“So, wait, you tripped-”

“Who leaves a pig, unattended, on a busy street, Astrid?! Who?!”

 

“Oh my gods,” Astrid’s eyes widen and she stuffs her mouth with another cookie. “Those are amazing!”

Hiccup, with his mouth equally full, nods enthusiastically. “It’sh from a lady f’om the cashtle at sheven hillsh, sheven riv’rsh and shix mountainsh.”

“Ha!” at Hiccup’s wide eyes and astounded expression, Astrid chuckles, cheeks flushed pink just a little. She jabs his arm with a finger. “I knew it! I knew you’ve gotten lost before!”

Hiccup squints, slowly munching on the rest of his cookie. “Shut up, Ashtrid.”

She doesn’t.

He’s really, really glad she doesn’t. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> You can also find this drabble and me on tumblr (slavicviking) and ffnet (InsertACreativeNameHere) :)))
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


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